What are those Thai girls saying?

You must first understand that I am not one of your Christopher G Moore reading bitter expats who can't wait to slag the girls off for being any number of clichés that they have hardly earned.
I love Thai girls because of how they are and not in spite of it. And frankly if I had to put up with the bullshit many of them go through with lying cheating, idiot farangs, I am surprised that more of 'em don't turn out to be bad 'uns.

One thing you need to get into your heads is that despite their demure persona's and often sensational, well, sexiness, most are at heart farm girls, fresh from the jungle and once you speak speak enough Thai, you understand that often their language is a bit farmyard too. It is often hard to reconcile what you see with what you hear. It's a bit like when I got stuck in Birmingham train station one Friday night and was watching the local talent turn up from 'the burbs' for a 'noight owt in town'.l Sat at the nice bar in the station two stunners walked in and ordered two halves of lager and lime, the barman delivered them promptly in windowed half pint pots and one of the girls shouted after him 'Oy, ladies glasses you c#*t'.

These books have hardback, hand bound, ox blood leather covers, but their content is pure pulp fiction. Here is a typical conversation overheard a few years ago, it's best read in a broad northern English dialect, the scene is the bar, just before it

Girl 1. "Eeeh what were 'ee like last night?"
Girl 2. "Ohh ee was effing enormous, I could hardly walk this morning"
Girl 1. "Well I never, 'ee didn't look like 'ee 'ad it in 'im"
Girl 2. 'Have it in him? Bloody hell 'ee were still rock hard this morning, bent me over in't shower"
Girl 1. "Well it's your own fault, you never got 'im pissed enough".
Girl 2. "Don't talk to me about piss"
Girl 1. "oo 'ee never"
Girl 2. "'ee did, all over t'bed n'all, I 'ad to do a fair bit of dodgin to keep 'im on't wet patch'
Girl 1. "Dirty pig"
Girl 2. "and you'll never guess where 'ee wanted to shove his thingy?"
Girl 1. "Nooo. not again"
Girl 2. "anyway, he gave us a big tip so that's all right and the rent is due"
Girl 1. "has he got any mates?"
Girl 2 "No but he wants me and you tonight"
Girl 1 "What time is 'ee coming?"

I am sorry if this is a bit TMI for you guys out there but it is as honest as that. It's a job at the end of the day and no, you are not special, it's just part of the show.

To watch them in silence and only speak to them in English is my recommendation because once you learn the language there is no going back. I am happy to report that I still find them gorgeous and enchanting and every bit as lovely as I used to before I spoke Thai, I just tune out and enjoy the show and every Friday you'll find me at The Yorkshire Hotel on Sansabai, for the bush-hour, watching all the lovelies parking their bikes and heading to Bangla. I am easy to spot, I'm the fat bloke with his fingers in his ears,